By Lindsey Bryan
lindsey.bryan@chatsworthtimes.com
At twenty-three, a lot of my friends are beginning to settle down and get married. These same friends ask my advice about if they should have kids yet or wait because I'm a young mom of two. I hear friends go back and forth about whether or not they are ready to take that step. Most people get overwhelmed by all the cute little dresses or tiny little Nikes they saw at the store yesterday. They see the cute nursery pins on Pinterest and think, "I want a baby!” My best friend thought that she was ready to be a mom after spending time with my children... until she became a mom. She cried to me, "Why did you let me do this so soon? This is so hard!"
Having a baby changes everything, no matter if you're trying to get pregnant or not. If you're thinking about mommyhood, you need to consider a few things before you go volunteering your uterus to act as an oven for the next 40 weeks.
First of all, I cannot stress this enough: Make sure you are ready to give up your life. If you are a young parent, just because you are young doesn't mean you get to act like it all the time. I'm twenty-three years old, but I have a husband and two toddlers. That's not the same twenty-three as the single recent college graduate with no responsibilities. The minute you decide to have a child, that child becomes the only thing in the world that matters anymore. Gone are your weekends once spent out with friends. Gone are the nights you spend having a few beers with the gang. You have another life to worry about, and you have to grow up. Fast. You live for nothing else except that life growing inside of you, and later, the life and person that you brought into this world.
Realize that those cute ribbon diaper covers and bottles you saw on Pinterest are not real life. You need to smell a bottle that rolled under the car seat two weeks ago that you somehow missed, or change a diaper that should have been changed thirty minutes ago but you didn't have any extra diapers with you on your run to Bi-Lo. Stay up all night with a baby that's crying and you have no idea what to do to make her stop. Carry an infant carrier with you everywhere you go for a year. EVERY time you get out of the car. EVERY time you go in the house. EVERY time you go pay for gas. EVERY time you go into Starbucks to grab a coffee. EVERY time you run to the ATM. EVERY time you do anything at all. Every time? EVERY TIME.
Before you leave the house, pack an entire bag separate from your purse with your car keys, cell phone, wallet, debit card, ID, money, lip gloss, compact, personal items, etc. Make sure you pack a diaper bag. This includes (but is not limited to) formula, bottled water, diapers, scented diaper disposal bags, hand sanitizer, wipes, a few extra outfits, a pacifier, bibs, a burp cloth, an extra pair of socks, an extra bottle, diaper cream, toys, your baby's favorite book, snacks, Capri Suns, and Tylenol- just in case. Do this every single time you leave your house for three years. Every. Single. Time.
Why would anybody in their right mind sign up for this? It's not fun. It's hard. It will test you to your limits and make you feel like you're about to break.
Motherhood is also the most rewarding experience I could ever begin to imagine. There are more positives than I could ever express. It's worth it- when you're ready. But if you're questioning getting pregnant, think about these things. These are reality. Not Pinterest or Babies R Us.
If you aren't ready, wait. You have all the time in the world. If you decide you are ready, join the club and realize what it's like to live your life in a constant whirlwind of sippy cups, Goldfish and slobbery kisses.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Political in-fighting not worth losing friends
A few weeks ago, I was going through a box of high school memorabilia and came across some old CDs. Friday afternoon on my way home from work, I popped in NOW 14 and a song I used to listen to in high school came floating through my speakers. This is what I heard: “In this world that we’re living in, people keep on giving in. Making wrong decisions, their only vision is of their dividends. Not respecting each other, denying their brothers... Can you practice what you preach, and would you turn the other cheek? Father, Father, Father help us. Send some guidance from above, ‘cause people got me questioning ‘Where is the love?’” The main message of the song is about violence in the world, but as I was driving home passing all of the political signs on Highway 411, it took on a whole new meaning to me.
I pride myself on being up-front and honest, so I’m going to go ahead and clarify who I am and my relationship to this race to put aside all speculation as to why I chose this topic to write about this week. I’m Lindsey Bryan, but my maiden name is Sanford. My dad, Michael, is the economic director for the county and helps out with Greg Hogan’s campaign; I don’t think any of that is a secret. I also haven’t lived in Murray County for a little over five years, and haven’t depended on my parents financially for just as long. My dad has also never involved me in any of the politics going on, and I have not talked to Greg Hogan personally since before he was elected Commissioner. Because I don’t live in Chatsworth, it is easy for me to take an objective and unbiased opinion of all the campaigning going on in the county. I think I might personally know three or four people running for different offices, but that’s it.
Working at this newspaper, I have no choice but to hear about this primary election coming up next month. I hear the good, the bad, and the ugly every single day from Democrats, Republicans, and everyone in between.
Here’s my question: Since when did an election turn into a bloodbath? The fact is that, on August 1st, every single one of the candidates is a human being with a family. This election should be strictly about the position in question and the candidate’s ability to do the job. The personal lives of the candidates should stay personal. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how it matters what Joe Bob's grandmother did twenty years ago; the only thing I see relevant is whether or not he can do the job. No one in this race is perfect, and each candidate has made mistakes in the past at some point. The people I have seen point the most fingers are, ironically, the people who are behaving the worst behind the scenes.
Is it really worth starting an almost Civil War over the office of Commissioner, Magistrate Judge, Sheriff, Clerk of Court, etc.? There is no position worth threatening another person physically. Objectively, I have seen grown men almost coming to blows over this stuff; I see friends losing friends and I see gossip flying through the grapevine at record speeds. Grown men and women aren't speaking to co-workers and former friends because of who they talk to in public.
The bottom line is this: we as human beings need to respect each other. Respect each other's personal lives, respect each other's family, respect each other period. If you win, you win. If you don't, you don't, and life will go on.
I pride myself on being up-front and honest, so I’m going to go ahead and clarify who I am and my relationship to this race to put aside all speculation as to why I chose this topic to write about this week. I’m Lindsey Bryan, but my maiden name is Sanford. My dad, Michael, is the economic director for the county and helps out with Greg Hogan’s campaign; I don’t think any of that is a secret. I also haven’t lived in Murray County for a little over five years, and haven’t depended on my parents financially for just as long. My dad has also never involved me in any of the politics going on, and I have not talked to Greg Hogan personally since before he was elected Commissioner. Because I don’t live in Chatsworth, it is easy for me to take an objective and unbiased opinion of all the campaigning going on in the county. I think I might personally know three or four people running for different offices, but that’s it.
Working at this newspaper, I have no choice but to hear about this primary election coming up next month. I hear the good, the bad, and the ugly every single day from Democrats, Republicans, and everyone in between.
Here’s my question: Since when did an election turn into a bloodbath? The fact is that, on August 1st, every single one of the candidates is a human being with a family. This election should be strictly about the position in question and the candidate’s ability to do the job. The personal lives of the candidates should stay personal. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how it matters what Joe Bob's grandmother did twenty years ago; the only thing I see relevant is whether or not he can do the job. No one in this race is perfect, and each candidate has made mistakes in the past at some point. The people I have seen point the most fingers are, ironically, the people who are behaving the worst behind the scenes.
Is it really worth starting an almost Civil War over the office of Commissioner, Magistrate Judge, Sheriff, Clerk of Court, etc.? There is no position worth threatening another person physically. Objectively, I have seen grown men almost coming to blows over this stuff; I see friends losing friends and I see gossip flying through the grapevine at record speeds. Grown men and women aren't speaking to co-workers and former friends because of who they talk to in public.
The bottom line is this: we as human beings need to respect each other. Respect each other's personal lives, respect each other's family, respect each other period. If you win, you win. If you don't, you don't, and life will go on.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
You CAN have roots and wings
It's a well-known fact that I have a love-hate relationship with my hometown. I grew up here thinking, "I can't wait to get out, I hate this place", but that was wrong. I love Chatsworth; I just couldn't stand some of the mindsets I grew up around. It took leaving here to open my eyes and see the world for what it can really be and not just what people wanted me to see. I've changed a lot since I left simply because I have been able to experience life in an unsheltered state of mind.
Still, every morning that I head into work, I can't help but get a little nostalgic. When I pull onto highway 411, my heart smiles. I roll down the windows and take in this sweet southern air. I see Fort Mountain to my right and I know... this place has a piece of my heart that will never ever be replaced. It definitely has its ups and downs, but it's "where I was born, where I was raised, where I keep all my yesterdays".
Sometimes I’ll be riding down Greeson Bend Road to a friend’s house, and I get stuck behind a tractor. Seven years ago, things like that infuriated me. Now, I just laugh. It’s a nice change from the traffic jams I deal with on the days I’m not in Murray County.
The things I miss the most about living here are the small things that I never thought about until I was gone. Sunday lunch at The Village Cafeteria and walking the Loop are at the top of that list. I live on the busiest parkway in Canton, filled with franchise restaurants and traffic; things like homemade chicken casserole and peaceful walks around a quiet neighborhood do not come my way often. I can’t drive past the tennis courts on Chestnut Street without immediately flashing back to the times spent hanging out in the parking lot with friends after walking those two miles.
From my desk at work, I can see Performing Arts Unlimited, where I have so many memories that I treasure in my heart. Now my own daughter is in dance there, and I’m so thankful she will share some of the same experiences in this town that I did.
I may not ever live here again, but I will always call Chatsworth “home”. The friends I’ve made in the past six years always ask me what it is about this place that I can’t quite shake. I just smile because it’s not anything I can explain. It’s the feeling I get when I pass the courthouse, blasting shamelessly country music with my windows down. It’s the sweet little old men that go out of their way to open doors for me when I’ve got my hands full.
No, I don’t live here anymore, but I am still blessed enough to keep Chatsworth in my life. I don’t take one peaceful day here for granted.
Still, every morning that I head into work, I can't help but get a little nostalgic. When I pull onto highway 411, my heart smiles. I roll down the windows and take in this sweet southern air. I see Fort Mountain to my right and I know... this place has a piece of my heart that will never ever be replaced. It definitely has its ups and downs, but it's "where I was born, where I was raised, where I keep all my yesterdays".
Sometimes I’ll be riding down Greeson Bend Road to a friend’s house, and I get stuck behind a tractor. Seven years ago, things like that infuriated me. Now, I just laugh. It’s a nice change from the traffic jams I deal with on the days I’m not in Murray County.
The things I miss the most about living here are the small things that I never thought about until I was gone. Sunday lunch at The Village Cafeteria and walking the Loop are at the top of that list. I live on the busiest parkway in Canton, filled with franchise restaurants and traffic; things like homemade chicken casserole and peaceful walks around a quiet neighborhood do not come my way often. I can’t drive past the tennis courts on Chestnut Street without immediately flashing back to the times spent hanging out in the parking lot with friends after walking those two miles.
From my desk at work, I can see Performing Arts Unlimited, where I have so many memories that I treasure in my heart. Now my own daughter is in dance there, and I’m so thankful she will share some of the same experiences in this town that I did.
I may not ever live here again, but I will always call Chatsworth “home”. The friends I’ve made in the past six years always ask me what it is about this place that I can’t quite shake. I just smile because it’s not anything I can explain. It’s the feeling I get when I pass the courthouse, blasting shamelessly country music with my windows down. It’s the sweet little old men that go out of their way to open doors for me when I’ve got my hands full.
No, I don’t live here anymore, but I am still blessed enough to keep Chatsworth in my life. I don’t take one peaceful day here for granted.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Judging is not our place- It's God's
*My best friend and I collaborated for this piece. I'm lucky to have friends to chime in with their ideas and help me adapt them into something that can be published. TMM, I love you! Thanks for the help this week.
I'd like to start by saying: I am perfect. God made me exactly the way I am. Have I made mistakes? Sure have. But God knew every mistake I would make; in this sense, I am perfect. If you can sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself and say "I have never made a mistake [like so-and-so has], then you are lying to yourself.
We live in a society where people are so quick to judge. The ironic part is that we point fingers when our own hands are not clean. Matthew 7:1-5 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
What kind of message are we sending to kids when we teach them not to "talk bad" about others, and then they hear us gossiping at the ball fields just a few hours later? It seems counterintuitive to purposefully go out of your way to gossip about someone when you have much bigger issues going on in your own household. For example, how can you criticize someone for their "lifestyle choices" when you're partying every weekend? If you want to do so, by all means, go for it. Just don't criticize others for doing the same. How can you condemn someone for "shacking up" with their significant other when there is an affair going on under your own roof? Throw your stones only when you have no sins on your own plate.
I have two kids. Granted, they are just toddlers. However, I know that I will be able to understand that my children are the masters of their own destiny. I, as their mother, am the one who is going to teach them the most about what is right and wrong. Ultimately, though, they are responsible for their own actions and the decisions they will make throughout their life.
I am under no illusion that my children will be perfect angels. I know they will experiment and make bad decisions during their teenage years. They did not create the expression "young and stupid" because of one teenager; it is universal. My husband and I will do our best to steer our children in the right directions and encourage them to lead lives that they can be proud of. I am confident enough to say that my husband and I are proud of the life we live and the influence we will have on our children as they grow up. We do our very best to let people be exactly who they are, and we do our very best not to judge. It's not our place; it's God's.
I'd like to start by saying: I am perfect. God made me exactly the way I am. Have I made mistakes? Sure have. But God knew every mistake I would make; in this sense, I am perfect. If you can sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself and say "I have never made a mistake [like so-and-so has], then you are lying to yourself.
We live in a society where people are so quick to judge. The ironic part is that we point fingers when our own hands are not clean. Matthew 7:1-5 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
What kind of message are we sending to kids when we teach them not to "talk bad" about others, and then they hear us gossiping at the ball fields just a few hours later? It seems counterintuitive to purposefully go out of your way to gossip about someone when you have much bigger issues going on in your own household. For example, how can you criticize someone for their "lifestyle choices" when you're partying every weekend? If you want to do so, by all means, go for it. Just don't criticize others for doing the same. How can you condemn someone for "shacking up" with their significant other when there is an affair going on under your own roof? Throw your stones only when you have no sins on your own plate.
I have two kids. Granted, they are just toddlers. However, I know that I will be able to understand that my children are the masters of their own destiny. I, as their mother, am the one who is going to teach them the most about what is right and wrong. Ultimately, though, they are responsible for their own actions and the decisions they will make throughout their life.
I am under no illusion that my children will be perfect angels. I know they will experiment and make bad decisions during their teenage years. They did not create the expression "young and stupid" because of one teenager; it is universal. My husband and I will do our best to steer our children in the right directions and encourage them to lead lives that they can be proud of. I am confident enough to say that my husband and I are proud of the life we live and the influence we will have on our children as they grow up. We do our very best to let people be exactly who they are, and we do our very best not to judge. It's not our place; it's God's.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Parental behavior affects kids, too
I became a parent three years ago. In the time since then, I have constantly worried about my relationship with my children in the years to come. How do I get them to trust me? How do I keep that delicate balance between "parent" and "friend"?
Going through a lot with my own parents, I have come to the realization that if you respect your kids, they will respect you. Children learn by example. Even though they are children, they're still people. The way kids are treated when they are younger has a huge impact on their older years. The way they are treated as adolescents and teens has a huge impact on the adults that they become.
I don’t believe “Because I’m the parent and I said so” is an answer. I believe if you communicate openly and honestly with your children, they will communicate with you. While I believe that spanking is sometimes necessary, I do not believe that threatening my kids is the best way to get across to them. I don't want them to be afraid of me; I want my children to know that I am and always will be the one safe place they can run to, no matter what. I want them to make decisions not because they fear me, but because they respect me and they respect their father. There is an enormous difference between the two.
Respect begins with unconditional love. So many parents have big dreams for their children because they are filling a void they have in their own lives. When their children do not fall into the path that their parents want for them, they are often made to feel inadequate. This is where unconditional love comes into play. More than anything, I want my children to find happiness. Jim Morrison said, "When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces."
When my kids are teenagers, I'm already praying for understanding. My husband and I have made vows to remember above all else that they are people. I want to respect their privacy. Would you read a friend's mail? Would you put a camera in any other person's car without their knowledge to spy on them? If the answer is no, maybe you should reconsider these decisions when it comes to your kids, because your relationship with your kids is more fragile than any friendship you could ever have. Doing things like this will only create resentment in the long run. Again, it's a respect thing.
Since my daughter was born, I've also been praying for help with my temper. I'm bad to spout off at the mouth, and it's something I've been working on. Words cannot be unsaid, no matter how many times you apologize. It seems counter-intuitive to say something to purposely hurt my child. I would rather keep my mouth closed and calm down first than win a fight with my kids. Ever.
I'm not claiming to be an expert on parenting. I don't have much experience. However, I do know how it feels to be on the opposite end of the spectrum and to feel disrespected, and I know that is never something I want either of my children to feel. I want to parent using the tools of love and respect, not just authority.
Going through a lot with my own parents, I have come to the realization that if you respect your kids, they will respect you. Children learn by example. Even though they are children, they're still people. The way kids are treated when they are younger has a huge impact on their older years. The way they are treated as adolescents and teens has a huge impact on the adults that they become.
I don’t believe “Because I’m the parent and I said so” is an answer. I believe if you communicate openly and honestly with your children, they will communicate with you. While I believe that spanking is sometimes necessary, I do not believe that threatening my kids is the best way to get across to them. I don't want them to be afraid of me; I want my children to know that I am and always will be the one safe place they can run to, no matter what. I want them to make decisions not because they fear me, but because they respect me and they respect their father. There is an enormous difference between the two.
Respect begins with unconditional love. So many parents have big dreams for their children because they are filling a void they have in their own lives. When their children do not fall into the path that their parents want for them, they are often made to feel inadequate. This is where unconditional love comes into play. More than anything, I want my children to find happiness. Jim Morrison said, "When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces."
When my kids are teenagers, I'm already praying for understanding. My husband and I have made vows to remember above all else that they are people. I want to respect their privacy. Would you read a friend's mail? Would you put a camera in any other person's car without their knowledge to spy on them? If the answer is no, maybe you should reconsider these decisions when it comes to your kids, because your relationship with your kids is more fragile than any friendship you could ever have. Doing things like this will only create resentment in the long run. Again, it's a respect thing.
Since my daughter was born, I've also been praying for help with my temper. I'm bad to spout off at the mouth, and it's something I've been working on. Words cannot be unsaid, no matter how many times you apologize. It seems counter-intuitive to say something to purposely hurt my child. I would rather keep my mouth closed and calm down first than win a fight with my kids. Ever.
I'm not claiming to be an expert on parenting. I don't have much experience. However, I do know how it feels to be on the opposite end of the spectrum and to feel disrespected, and I know that is never something I want either of my children to feel. I want to parent using the tools of love and respect, not just authority.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
High School Happenings
Hi everyone!
There will be no column this week because I have some exciting news.
I've had a little project going on for over a week now, and it comes out today! My boss and I hatched the idea and finally swung things into gear this week.
Each week The Chatsworth Times will now have a page titled "High School Happenings". It's in the B section of the paper, in with the Sports page. This particular page focuses on high school groups, clubs, teams, etc. that have accomplished things that may not get the media attention they deserve because they are not traditional "sports".
I felt like these groups (i.e. Literary Club, FBLA, DECA, Winter Guard, Quiz Bowl Team, Band, etc.) are often left out and their accomplishments are glossed over. Not anymore!
The page will also feature a topic that students can chime in on each week an get their responses published.
Students are also welcome to submit their own articles about anything going on in high school. Each week we will pick one and that student will have their article published with the student's name on their own byline. This is an awesome opportunity for high school students to get involved and let the community REALLY know what's going on in high school beyond sports.
If you have anything you'd like to see published on the "High School Happenings" page of The Chatsworth Times, please submit it to me! My email is lindseybryan@live.com
Thanks and Happy Hump Day! :)
There will be no column this week because I have some exciting news.
I've had a little project going on for over a week now, and it comes out today! My boss and I hatched the idea and finally swung things into gear this week.
Each week The Chatsworth Times will now have a page titled "High School Happenings". It's in the B section of the paper, in with the Sports page. This particular page focuses on high school groups, clubs, teams, etc. that have accomplished things that may not get the media attention they deserve because they are not traditional "sports".
I felt like these groups (i.e. Literary Club, FBLA, DECA, Winter Guard, Quiz Bowl Team, Band, etc.) are often left out and their accomplishments are glossed over. Not anymore!
The page will also feature a topic that students can chime in on each week an get their responses published.
Students are also welcome to submit their own articles about anything going on in high school. Each week we will pick one and that student will have their article published with the student's name on their own byline. This is an awesome opportunity for high school students to get involved and let the community REALLY know what's going on in high school beyond sports.
If you have anything you'd like to see published on the "High School Happenings" page of The Chatsworth Times, please submit it to me! My email is lindseybryan@live.com
Thanks and Happy Hump Day! :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Bullying is not ok- talk to your kids
It was winter of my sophomore year, and the MCHS Dance Team had just taken the gym floor for our halftime performance. I anxiously took my place and struck my pose. The gym went silent in anticipation of the music that was coming on, and then it happened. A chorus of "Suck it in, Sanford!" rang out through the silence, and I, along with the rest of the gymnasium, had heard it. Before I even had time to react, the music began to play and I had no choice but to just do the routine. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stay focused at all. My face got hot and red and I struggled to fight back tears as I went through the motions I had once been so excited to perform. I consciously tried to hide my face and body from the crowd, and ended up making a few errors in the performance because I was so thrown off. The song ended, and I couldn't get off the court fast enough. I changed into street clothes, ran to my car, drove across the street to the football field parking lot, and burst into tears alone in my Eclipse.
At some point, we have all had our own encounters with a bully, or a "pack" of bullies. Some of us experienced it in elementary school, where it seemed to be less harmful. Someone pulled your hair or kicked you under the table, but you could usually tell a teacher and the problem got solved. For others, it happened in middle school when we got left out or taunted because we weren't part of a "cool" group. For me, it happened in high school. My entire sophomore year, I was traumatized by a group of senior girls who didn't like me because they didn't want me dating a member of their clique. The humiliation went beyond the public jab at my figure- one girl wrote a blog full of horrible and just flat out mean things about me and posted it via social site that everyone used. Another girl would target me with her status updates on MSN Messenger and MySpace. I got hateful phone calls at least on a monthly basis. You would think the problem would have gone away after the group graduated, but one of the girls attended Kennesaw State and was unfortunately close enough to home to keep tormenting me on her agenda throughout my junior year, as well. It finally took filing a police report to get her to back off.
School bullying surveys show that 77% of all students are bullied mentally, physically, or verbally. Cyber bullying, which takes place via blogs, cell phones, instant-messaging, and the like, is also rapidly approaching high numbers. 9 out of 10 teens have experienced harassment either at school or online.
Kids are cruel. Bullying is a real problem, and it isn't getting any better. My best friend, who witnessed firsthand what I went through in high school, is now a teacher. Her students are at the age where teasing and taunting are beginning to happen more often. A few weeks ago, a girl in her class came in crying and sat down at the desk covering her head to block the other students out. Her classmates were teasing the girl and calling her "weird". Another student has been under a psychiatric evaluation after he was viciously and violently attacked by another boy on the school bus. My friend made a speech in every class she had that day: "Bullying is NOT okay, and I better not hear of it happening again."
I have a daughter of my own now. She's almost three, drop dead gorgeous, and has the biggest and most sensitive heart you can imagine- not a good combination for a high school girl. The thought of her going through anything like I did at 16 makes my blood boil. I know that if someone were to ever embarrass HER during one of her events, or make her cry during class, I would be knocking on other mamas' doors until the problem was settled. As a teenager, I was mortified when my mom tried to intervene and talk to the principal about what those girls were doing to me. Now, only a few years later, I wish I had let her handle it.
Talk to your kids. Find out what's going on at school. If there is a problem, address it. If you have to, talk to a teacher or an administrator. If you find out that your own child is involved in bullying other kids, please, take action. Parental involvement can have a huge impact on getting to the bottom of this problem and can help eliminate unnecessary hurt. Going through adolescence is hard enough without having to endure such cruelty at the hand of a peer or group of peers.
At some point, we have all had our own encounters with a bully, or a "pack" of bullies. Some of us experienced it in elementary school, where it seemed to be less harmful. Someone pulled your hair or kicked you under the table, but you could usually tell a teacher and the problem got solved. For others, it happened in middle school when we got left out or taunted because we weren't part of a "cool" group. For me, it happened in high school. My entire sophomore year, I was traumatized by a group of senior girls who didn't like me because they didn't want me dating a member of their clique. The humiliation went beyond the public jab at my figure- one girl wrote a blog full of horrible and just flat out mean things about me and posted it via social site that everyone used. Another girl would target me with her status updates on MSN Messenger and MySpace. I got hateful phone calls at least on a monthly basis. You would think the problem would have gone away after the group graduated, but one of the girls attended Kennesaw State and was unfortunately close enough to home to keep tormenting me on her agenda throughout my junior year, as well. It finally took filing a police report to get her to back off.
School bullying surveys show that 77% of all students are bullied mentally, physically, or verbally. Cyber bullying, which takes place via blogs, cell phones, instant-messaging, and the like, is also rapidly approaching high numbers. 9 out of 10 teens have experienced harassment either at school or online.
Kids are cruel. Bullying is a real problem, and it isn't getting any better. My best friend, who witnessed firsthand what I went through in high school, is now a teacher. Her students are at the age where teasing and taunting are beginning to happen more often. A few weeks ago, a girl in her class came in crying and sat down at the desk covering her head to block the other students out. Her classmates were teasing the girl and calling her "weird". Another student has been under a psychiatric evaluation after he was viciously and violently attacked by another boy on the school bus. My friend made a speech in every class she had that day: "Bullying is NOT okay, and I better not hear of it happening again."
I have a daughter of my own now. She's almost three, drop dead gorgeous, and has the biggest and most sensitive heart you can imagine- not a good combination for a high school girl. The thought of her going through anything like I did at 16 makes my blood boil. I know that if someone were to ever embarrass HER during one of her events, or make her cry during class, I would be knocking on other mamas' doors until the problem was settled. As a teenager, I was mortified when my mom tried to intervene and talk to the principal about what those girls were doing to me. Now, only a few years later, I wish I had let her handle it.
Talk to your kids. Find out what's going on at school. If there is a problem, address it. If you have to, talk to a teacher or an administrator. If you find out that your own child is involved in bullying other kids, please, take action. Parental involvement can have a huge impact on getting to the bottom of this problem and can help eliminate unnecessary hurt. Going through adolescence is hard enough without having to endure such cruelty at the hand of a peer or group of peers.
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