It's a well-known fact that I have a love-hate relationship with my hometown. I grew up here thinking, "I can't wait to get out, I hate this place", but that was wrong. I love Chatsworth; I just couldn't stand some of the mindsets I grew up around. It took leaving here to open my eyes and see the world for what it can really be and not just what people wanted me to see. I've changed a lot since I left simply because I have been able to experience life in an unsheltered state of mind.
Still, every morning that I head into work, I can't help but get a little nostalgic. When I pull onto highway 411, my heart smiles. I roll down the windows and take in this sweet southern air. I see Fort Mountain to my right and I know... this place has a piece of my heart that will never ever be replaced. It definitely has its ups and downs, but it's "where I was born, where I was raised, where I keep all my yesterdays".
Sometimes I’ll be riding down Greeson Bend Road to a friend’s house, and I get stuck behind a tractor. Seven years ago, things like that infuriated me. Now, I just laugh. It’s a nice change from the traffic jams I deal with on the days I’m not in Murray County.
The things I miss the most about living here are the small things that I never thought about until I was gone. Sunday lunch at The Village Cafeteria and walking the Loop are at the top of that list. I live on the busiest parkway in Canton, filled with franchise restaurants and traffic; things like homemade chicken casserole and peaceful walks around a quiet neighborhood do not come my way often. I can’t drive past the tennis courts on Chestnut Street without immediately flashing back to the times spent hanging out in the parking lot with friends after walking those two miles.
From my desk at work, I can see Performing Arts Unlimited, where I have so many memories that I treasure in my heart. Now my own daughter is in dance there, and I’m so thankful she will share some of the same experiences in this town that I did.
I may not ever live here again, but I will always call Chatsworth “home”. The friends I’ve made in the past six years always ask me what it is about this place that I can’t quite shake. I just smile because it’s not anything I can explain. It’s the feeling I get when I pass the courthouse, blasting shamelessly country music with my windows down. It’s the sweet little old men that go out of their way to open doors for me when I’ve got my hands full.
No, I don’t live here anymore, but I am still blessed enough to keep Chatsworth in my life. I don’t take one peaceful day here for granted.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Judging is not our place- It's God's
*My best friend and I collaborated for this piece. I'm lucky to have friends to chime in with their ideas and help me adapt them into something that can be published. TMM, I love you! Thanks for the help this week.
I'd like to start by saying: I am perfect. God made me exactly the way I am. Have I made mistakes? Sure have. But God knew every mistake I would make; in this sense, I am perfect. If you can sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself and say "I have never made a mistake [like so-and-so has], then you are lying to yourself.
We live in a society where people are so quick to judge. The ironic part is that we point fingers when our own hands are not clean. Matthew 7:1-5 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
What kind of message are we sending to kids when we teach them not to "talk bad" about others, and then they hear us gossiping at the ball fields just a few hours later? It seems counterintuitive to purposefully go out of your way to gossip about someone when you have much bigger issues going on in your own household. For example, how can you criticize someone for their "lifestyle choices" when you're partying every weekend? If you want to do so, by all means, go for it. Just don't criticize others for doing the same. How can you condemn someone for "shacking up" with their significant other when there is an affair going on under your own roof? Throw your stones only when you have no sins on your own plate.
I have two kids. Granted, they are just toddlers. However, I know that I will be able to understand that my children are the masters of their own destiny. I, as their mother, am the one who is going to teach them the most about what is right and wrong. Ultimately, though, they are responsible for their own actions and the decisions they will make throughout their life.
I am under no illusion that my children will be perfect angels. I know they will experiment and make bad decisions during their teenage years. They did not create the expression "young and stupid" because of one teenager; it is universal. My husband and I will do our best to steer our children in the right directions and encourage them to lead lives that they can be proud of. I am confident enough to say that my husband and I are proud of the life we live and the influence we will have on our children as they grow up. We do our very best to let people be exactly who they are, and we do our very best not to judge. It's not our place; it's God's.
I'd like to start by saying: I am perfect. God made me exactly the way I am. Have I made mistakes? Sure have. But God knew every mistake I would make; in this sense, I am perfect. If you can sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself and say "I have never made a mistake [like so-and-so has], then you are lying to yourself.
We live in a society where people are so quick to judge. The ironic part is that we point fingers when our own hands are not clean. Matthew 7:1-5 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
What kind of message are we sending to kids when we teach them not to "talk bad" about others, and then they hear us gossiping at the ball fields just a few hours later? It seems counterintuitive to purposefully go out of your way to gossip about someone when you have much bigger issues going on in your own household. For example, how can you criticize someone for their "lifestyle choices" when you're partying every weekend? If you want to do so, by all means, go for it. Just don't criticize others for doing the same. How can you condemn someone for "shacking up" with their significant other when there is an affair going on under your own roof? Throw your stones only when you have no sins on your own plate.
I have two kids. Granted, they are just toddlers. However, I know that I will be able to understand that my children are the masters of their own destiny. I, as their mother, am the one who is going to teach them the most about what is right and wrong. Ultimately, though, they are responsible for their own actions and the decisions they will make throughout their life.
I am under no illusion that my children will be perfect angels. I know they will experiment and make bad decisions during their teenage years. They did not create the expression "young and stupid" because of one teenager; it is universal. My husband and I will do our best to steer our children in the right directions and encourage them to lead lives that they can be proud of. I am confident enough to say that my husband and I are proud of the life we live and the influence we will have on our children as they grow up. We do our very best to let people be exactly who they are, and we do our very best not to judge. It's not our place; it's God's.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Parental behavior affects kids, too
I became a parent three years ago. In the time since then, I have constantly worried about my relationship with my children in the years to come. How do I get them to trust me? How do I keep that delicate balance between "parent" and "friend"?
Going through a lot with my own parents, I have come to the realization that if you respect your kids, they will respect you. Children learn by example. Even though they are children, they're still people. The way kids are treated when they are younger has a huge impact on their older years. The way they are treated as adolescents and teens has a huge impact on the adults that they become.
I don’t believe “Because I’m the parent and I said so” is an answer. I believe if you communicate openly and honestly with your children, they will communicate with you. While I believe that spanking is sometimes necessary, I do not believe that threatening my kids is the best way to get across to them. I don't want them to be afraid of me; I want my children to know that I am and always will be the one safe place they can run to, no matter what. I want them to make decisions not because they fear me, but because they respect me and they respect their father. There is an enormous difference between the two.
Respect begins with unconditional love. So many parents have big dreams for their children because they are filling a void they have in their own lives. When their children do not fall into the path that their parents want for them, they are often made to feel inadequate. This is where unconditional love comes into play. More than anything, I want my children to find happiness. Jim Morrison said, "When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces."
When my kids are teenagers, I'm already praying for understanding. My husband and I have made vows to remember above all else that they are people. I want to respect their privacy. Would you read a friend's mail? Would you put a camera in any other person's car without their knowledge to spy on them? If the answer is no, maybe you should reconsider these decisions when it comes to your kids, because your relationship with your kids is more fragile than any friendship you could ever have. Doing things like this will only create resentment in the long run. Again, it's a respect thing.
Since my daughter was born, I've also been praying for help with my temper. I'm bad to spout off at the mouth, and it's something I've been working on. Words cannot be unsaid, no matter how many times you apologize. It seems counter-intuitive to say something to purposely hurt my child. I would rather keep my mouth closed and calm down first than win a fight with my kids. Ever.
I'm not claiming to be an expert on parenting. I don't have much experience. However, I do know how it feels to be on the opposite end of the spectrum and to feel disrespected, and I know that is never something I want either of my children to feel. I want to parent using the tools of love and respect, not just authority.
Going through a lot with my own parents, I have come to the realization that if you respect your kids, they will respect you. Children learn by example. Even though they are children, they're still people. The way kids are treated when they are younger has a huge impact on their older years. The way they are treated as adolescents and teens has a huge impact on the adults that they become.
I don’t believe “Because I’m the parent and I said so” is an answer. I believe if you communicate openly and honestly with your children, they will communicate with you. While I believe that spanking is sometimes necessary, I do not believe that threatening my kids is the best way to get across to them. I don't want them to be afraid of me; I want my children to know that I am and always will be the one safe place they can run to, no matter what. I want them to make decisions not because they fear me, but because they respect me and they respect their father. There is an enormous difference between the two.
Respect begins with unconditional love. So many parents have big dreams for their children because they are filling a void they have in their own lives. When their children do not fall into the path that their parents want for them, they are often made to feel inadequate. This is where unconditional love comes into play. More than anything, I want my children to find happiness. Jim Morrison said, "When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces."
When my kids are teenagers, I'm already praying for understanding. My husband and I have made vows to remember above all else that they are people. I want to respect their privacy. Would you read a friend's mail? Would you put a camera in any other person's car without their knowledge to spy on them? If the answer is no, maybe you should reconsider these decisions when it comes to your kids, because your relationship with your kids is more fragile than any friendship you could ever have. Doing things like this will only create resentment in the long run. Again, it's a respect thing.
Since my daughter was born, I've also been praying for help with my temper. I'm bad to spout off at the mouth, and it's something I've been working on. Words cannot be unsaid, no matter how many times you apologize. It seems counter-intuitive to say something to purposely hurt my child. I would rather keep my mouth closed and calm down first than win a fight with my kids. Ever.
I'm not claiming to be an expert on parenting. I don't have much experience. However, I do know how it feels to be on the opposite end of the spectrum and to feel disrespected, and I know that is never something I want either of my children to feel. I want to parent using the tools of love and respect, not just authority.
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